Dry Ink

I know my blog is titled Dry Ink. I may think about changing that to Dryish. I want to blog all of it, not just the sober days but all of the days affected or not affected by alcohol.

Today is a day affected by alcohol. Not one of the bad days. I’m lucky. I’m ending the day 3/4 of a bottle deep and no depression, black out. Overall a pretty good day.

Something I want to put to print is something I’ve noticed for a long time, mentioned to my husband once or twice but him not able to say he’s ever felt this way.

When I drink it starts the same way, a craving or just a wanting to drink, to get to that Ah place, happy, slightly wired feeling that I think most people get from drinking.

I often pass to another phase. This one I don’t know I’ve ever had anyone else quite agree they get. Example: Tonight in my pool, tall tall pine trees, palm trees blowing in the wind and Japanese maples hover over the deck. To me these all appear in 4K. Like the first time you watch TV in HD or LCD. Crisp. Multidimensional, The colors of the trees contrasting so harshly against the color of the sky, feeling the wind in the palms almost like being able to see it.

To me when I describe this it sounds like someone on LSD or high.

It doesn’t last, if I drink too slow it fades, if I drink too fast it goes to places I don’t want to go.

Today in the pool, during this short, short window of bliss, the song Sober by Tool came on. “Why can’t we not be sober? I just want to start this over Why can’t we drink forever I just want to start things over“

It hits to the core of how I feel as that bliss fades away. Why can’t I just be sober, I want to start over, Why can’t I drink forever.

I don’t know the answer. Tonight I cut it off before it crossed from bliss to madness. Is that a win? Why do I have to try, why can’t I just drink forever.